Turn an Acquaintance into a Friend...

“A friend is a present you give yourself”- Robert Louis Stevenson

Nothing can add more to your life than having truly intimate friends. When you are in school or college, it’s comparatively easy to make friends, but as you move away from this supportive group, it can be much harder to develop close friendships. Many people find themselves in a position where they have many casual acquaintances but hardly any close friends with whom they can really be themselves and share their thoughts and feelings. It is possible though to build a friendship if you are willing to put in effort and time (one researcher estimates that it can take up to three years to build a true friend!)

Share something about yourself

Look around among the people you interact with – is there someone who seems to be a potential friend? Chances are that all you’ve said to each other is “Hi, How are you?” “I’m fine thanks” - or something equally trivial. Perhaps you’ve discussed work, politics or the weather. But the first step in establishing a closer friendship is to begin sharing something about yourself – otherwise known as self-disclosure. Start by sharing a few private thoughts. If the other person is not responsive, don’t think of this as rejection – he may have reasons of his own. On the other hand he may reciprocate, and then you’re on your way to getting closer.

Listen carefully

When you truly pay attention, you convey to the person that you care about her and value her. This means that you look at her while she speaks, avoid being distracted and make an attempt to understand. If the person is sharing a problem you don’t need to solve it for her, just allow her to speak. Listening seems easy, but it is really a skill that requires practice and self-discipline.

Talk!

While it’s important to listen, talking is also an integral part of friendship. When a friend reveals ideas or feelings, he expects shared information in return. If you don’t take your turn in talking, the other person feels you’re not really interested. The person who is always listening is playing the role of a counsellor, not a friend. And if you find yourself talking for more than a couple of minutes without participation from the other person, perhaps you are lecturing or treating the other person as a counsellor.

Be Loyal

A good friend is loyal and trustworthy. If a friend confides in you she has the right to expect you to be loyal and keep his/ her secrets. If you have something against a friend, tell him or her directly. Nothing can be more damaging to a friendship than to hear from someone else that your friend has been complaining about you.

Allow Time for friendship to grow

Friendships are built s..l..o..w..l..y..... Children are able to make friends quickly, but adult friendships have to be nurtured carefully. It takes time to really understand each other, work through conflicts and build up trust. But the rewards of a tried and-true friendship far outweigh the difficulties of getting there!