ADULT SHYNESS

Research suggests that almost half of all adults,

i.e. 40% to 45 % of them, consider themselves shy.

WHAT IS SHYNESS?
If Shyness as an experience could be described, it would be described as discomfort and/or inhibition in interpersonal situations that usually interferes with pursuing one's interpersonal or professional goals. A Shy person usually is excessively self-consciousness and is constantly evaluating oneself negatively.

Shyness may vary from mild social awkwardness to totally inhibiting social phobia. And sometimes, shyness can also be only SITUATIONAL - Situational shyness involves experiencing the symptoms of shyness in specific social performance situations but not incorporating it into one's self-concept.

IMPACT OF SHYNESS
Research suggests that shy people…
• Don't take advantage of social situations and date less
• Find it difficult in asserting themselves in the workplace or in social situations.
• Have small or limited comfort zone - they have friends and a social network, but it's a small circle. They tend to do the same things with the same people again and again, because they feel at ease in a situation they know. As a result, they won't try new situations, or they restrict their contacts. This again, only feeds their shyness further.
• Find job-hunting challenging, experience greater underemployment & tend to have slower advancement in their jobs.
• Have uneasy work relationships and tend to have difficulties in dealing with authority figures in a healthy, assertive manner.
• Are likely to have more troubles deepening intimacy. DID YOU KNOW?

Abraham Lincoln, Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, Elvis Presley and even Jim Carrey, were all extremely shy people.

Shyness can affect those who are famous and talented as well as the average person.

Is there a difference between shyness & introversion?
Yes. Research does differentiate between shyness and introversion, although they are related. Introverts prefer solitary to social activities, but do not fear social encounters like shy people do. If you see two people standing by a wall at a party, the introvert is there because he wants to be. The shy person is there because he feels like he has to be, as he doesn't know how to take the next step -- approaching people and making conversation, even though he wants to

HOW SHYNESS MANIFESTS ITSELF

You may experience shyness at any or all of these levels

COGNITIVE: Negative thoughts for e.g. concern about what others would think and worries about looking foolish to others.

AFFECTIVE: Feelings of embarrassment, anxiety

PHYSIOLOGICAL: Accelerated heart rate, feeling faint or dizzy, "butterflies in stomach", nausea, sweating excessively, trembling

BEHAVIORAL: Inhibition, Nervous behaviors, avoiding eye-contact

Shy people experience these symptoms in a variety of situations. Among the most typical are: authorities, one-on-one opposite sex interactions, intimacy, strangers, having to take individuating action in a group setting, and initiating social actions in unstructured, spontaneous situations.

THE "WHY" OF SHYNESS
• Personality: some people are naturally withdrawn, highly sensitive and tend to avoid new people and situations.
• Stressful life events such as, shaming experiences, major moves from one school or city to another and abrupt changes or disruptions in family life
• Negative family interactions such as frequent parental criticism and shaming to get children to behave well, high parental control with little expressed warmth and encouragement and chaotic family interactions or neglect
• Stressful work or school environments such as, highly competitive, critical, or hostile environments, public embarrassment for poor performance and having experienced severe bullying or teasing.

Shyness is not who we are. It does not have to keep us from achieving our goals unless we let it. Many of the famous people mentioned at the beginning, overcame their shyness and some never overcame it completely. But that didn't stop them. Even if one cannot completely overcome one's shyness, there are certain things about it that one can work on and achieve one's goals. And while you may not become the president of a country, a great inventor or a film star, with the right support and enough hard work, chances are you, too, can achieve your goals.

Shyness is not a problem; it's just a pattern we pick up on our way to adulthood, due to various reasons. THE GOOD NEWS IS…this pattern can be broken and unlearned with self-motivation, personal effort and guidance from professionals.

If you feel you need to break this pattern of shyness in yourself, please use our counseling services. We're here to listen….. and help.

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