While shiftwork or long working hours are hard on employees, it also affects the whole family. This is especially true for families with young children, and this can lead to communication breakdown and even marital problems. However, these can be overcome with better understanding of the situation and some planning.

HOW DOES SHIFTWORK (OR LONG WORKING HOURS) AFFECT THE FAMILY?
Finding time to spend with family is difficult for everyone these days with long working hours and multiple responsibilities. These are compounded when one or more members work on shifts. It’s possible to go through days - even weeks - living in the same house without exchanging more than a few words with each other.

Whether it’s spouse, children, brothers and sisters or parents, they could feel neglected and lonely. You may not even be able to share a meal together and may miss out on important family events. Those who work during the evening hours lose out on the family-oriented part of the day including dinner (which could otherwise be a special bonding time).

If you work on night shifts, your family may not understand your need to sleep during the day and may either disturb you or try to convince you to run errands or go out with them. You yourself may be irritable and depressed or just fatigued, and this mood can negatively affect the whole family.

Your spouse may be forced to take on additional responsibilities because you are just not available when the work has to be done – and over a period of time this could lead to resentment. Your spouse may be cut off from other adults and rely on you to give support and communicate. She/he may be waiting to discuss family or other issues, but you may be too exhausted to talk. You may try to avoid conversation in favour of activities like listening to music and watching TV which are less demanding. But this leaves your spouse feeling angry and frustrated, thinking that you are uninterested in family life, while you may feel unfairly pressured. This could lead to breakdown in communication and other marital problems.

WHAT CAN YOU DO FOR A BETTER FAMILY LIFE?
Family IS really important to us – we need their love and support. For many of us, they are our primary motivation to work. So how do we maintain close relationships with them despite the disparity in our schedules?

EXPLAIN
Your family may not really understand your schedules and your need for peace and quiet. Tell your family something about your work schedules and help them to understand your need to sleep. Even young children can understand this if you explain carefully. (Make sure there is another adult at home who can take care of the children so that you can get some hours of uninterrupted sleep). Help your spouse / parents to recognize that you will be a lot less irritable and cranky if you’ve had your full quota of sleep!

CONTACT
Take time to ‘touch base’ regularly with your family – a brief phone call, e-mail or message sent during the day, writing notes for each other can all help make up for the lack of time together.

PLAN
Face it – it’s not going to be easy to find time for each other. The only way is to plan carefully. Get hold of a large planner or calendar and mark everyone’s schedules on it – days off, day/evening shifts, birthdays, special family occasions, school functions and so on. Then actually chalk out times that you can spend together. You could probably fix something special on your day off (after giving yourself enough time to sleep). Try and plan your schedule well in advance so that you can make yourself free for really special events (an engagement or marriage, birthday or anniversary or your child’s sports day).

REARRANGE YOUR SCHEDULE
Take some time to think if small changes in your schedules can make it possible to spend more time together. One couple worked out that if the husband got up a little earlier and got dressed before his wife returned from her night shift, and if the wife delayed going to bed by 30 minutes, they could spend time having breakfast together before he left for work. Another father gets up early so that he can spend half an hour with his child before she goes to school, and then goes back to sleep. Not ideal, but better than nothing. See what works for you.

SIT TOGETHER AT MEAL TIMES
You may not all be able to eat at the same time, but perhaps can at least sit down at the table when the others are eating. For example a night shift worker preferred to eat his meal at 4pm. His mother would eat earlier, but sat with him while he ate so that they could share a pleasant conversation. Another sat with his family when they ate their breakfast although he had finished his meal by then.

MARRIED COUPLES
Make extra efforts to stay close. Working on different schedules puts an additional burden on marriage. Make time for each other, share your feelings and plan some special times together. Recognize that you may be unusually irritable or fatigued at certain times, so find times when you are rested and comparatively cheerful!

PRIORITISE
The time you spend together will be limited. Don’t waste it on things that are less important. As far as possible get household help so that your household chores are minimized. Use short cuts whenever you can, whether it is quick recipes or using internet payment of bills. Use your precious time to spend with the family.

CHILDREN
If you have children this is doubly important. Your children really need your time and attention NOW. Fancy meals and a beautiful home can wait – laughing, playing, talking, listening are all far more important. For ideas on how to spend the little time you have, read the article on Quality Time

FOR SPOUSES:
Don’t isolate yourself because of your partner’s unusual working hours. Lack of social contact will leave you feeling lonely. Accept that sometimes you will want to take part in activities which conflict with your partner’s schedule. Perhaps you could go alone or with a friend or relative sometimes, or else find an alternative activity that would fit in with your partner’s schedule. Keep in touch with other families who are in the same situation.

Finding ways to connect with family members is not a luxury – it is a necessity. As you find new, creative ways to stay in touch you will be rewarded with close, warm relationships, which will help see you through the hardest times.