Emotional Intelligence

• Do you know parents who are fed up with their child’s behaviour?
• Do you witness many more road fights in your city?
• Do you have a boss who often flies into a rage?
• Do you find your partner totally unreasonable at times?
• Do you feel more teenagers are into drugs?
What is happening?
These are instances of what happens when over a period of time intelligence is given overdue importance and emotional growth is ignored. Today society demands that people excel in whatever they do. Cutthroat competition compels that you stay in the race and that too well ahead of others. This means everyone needs to excel academically to make it in the world.

Gone are the days when parents were keen that their children grew up to be ‘good human beings’, well mannered, respectful, considerate and so on. Today the key word is ‘success’ measured in monetary terms and the kind of work you do.

Since academic excellence is what seems to lead to success, if children are doing well academically, relationship skills, manners and other aspects related to emotional growth of the child are of little interest to the parents.

This over skewed interest in academic excellence means the emotional growth of the child is ignored; in other words emotional intelligence is on the decline. Thus we see both children and adults into all sorts of problems, be it substance dependence, suicides, depression, burnouts, aggression, frustration etc.

An important factor that is not easily seen is that there is definite link between emotional intelligence and success in life. Research has shown that emotional quotient (EQ) and intelligence quotient (IQ) are equally necessary for success in life, the absence of either leads to some form of dysfunction. In fact sometimes it is not your IQ but your EQ that determines whether you succeed or fail.

Take for instance this case of a senior manager in charge of workers of the production line. He was very well qualified and working for a big reputed firm. One day due to the negligence of a particular worker something went wrong with the production line. While pulling up the worker in charge the manager flew into a rage and used abusive language. The issue blew out of control and led to a lock out since the union taking strong offence to the way the situation was handled by the manager.

This is an example when a technically competent person with a high IQ was unable to handle a life situation appropriately because he was low on emotional intelligence. His people skills were bad and he was unable to control his emotions when required and thus lost out in a situation that could have been smoothly handled.

Companies abroad and slowly in India are realising that candidates need to be emotionally intelligent. Apart from the basic technical qualifications they look for employees who will be balanced, in control of their emotions, those who handle relationships well, are able to cope in stressful situations, are able to work in teams and handle conflicts well.

So what does it mean to have emotional intelligence?
Basically emotional intelligence involves four skills that an individual must have
1. Self-Awareness: you understand your emotions and know your strengths and weaknesses
2. Self-Management: you effectively manage your motives and regulate your behaviour accordingly
3. Social Awareness: you understand what others are saying and feeling and why they feel and act as they do
4. People Skills: you act in a way that gets you desired results from others
Since people high on EQ are in control of their emotions they are able to respond to situations that come up in an appropriate manner. Their emotions do not colour their thoughts and behaviours. How they behave or what they say in those situations is well balanced and clearly thought out. They use emotional understanding to guide their thoughts and behaviours. They make intelligent use of their emotions.

Going back to the earlier example, suppose the manager has been high on EQ. He would have realised that he was feeling worried and anxious since he was responsible for his production line. He would have pulled up the worker, so that the worker realised his fault instead of getting defensive and aggressive. In the end he would have got the worker to get back to work and rectify the fault rather than leading the situation to a lock out.

People who have high EQ
• Express feelings clearly and directly
• Recognise feelings
• Are not dominated by negative emotions like fear, worry, guilt etc
• Understand non-verbal communication
• Balance feelings with reason, logic, and reality
• Act out of desire, not because of duty, guilt, force or obligation
• Are independent and self-reliant
• Are generally optimistic
• Are able to handle failures
• Are interested in other people's feelings
These are just some indications of how a person with high EQ might appear. Emotional literacy is as important as academic literacy per se. It is a positive preventive tool, which gives an alternative to violence, illness, drug abuse, dysfunctional relationships, and societal conflicts. Having emotional intelligence is an asset not really seen useful for getting a job as would be intelligence levels and academic qualifications but it is definitely what makes or breaks you when faced with critical life situations.
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