How I dealt with a traumatic event in my life

The beginning
It was an important day for my husband and me as we hurried for our doctor's appointment, it was time filled with anxiety as well as a lot of excitement. We were going for our 24th week ultrasound and for the first time would see our baby within me in detail.

As the examination progressed I felt there was something wrong, why was the doctor taking such a long time on the baby's heart? When the examination ended she said the words that we were dreading, there was something wrong with the baby's heart but that she would like us to come back later in the evening for a second opinion before she could be absolutely sure. I felt tears roll down my cheeks and found my husband's arm around me.

Coming to terms
Coming out of the hospital we were not convinced, it could not be we told each other; everything had been perfect, there was no reason for this to happen. We were almost sure that in the evening it would turn out to be a mistake.

Once home I thought of the next best thing to do, I read up all I could on what a hole in the heart means for a baby and having done that found that it was not that bad, sometimes the hole closed up on its own and in some cases post delivery operations took care of the problem. It gave me a great sense of relief.

In the evening, we went in again to the hospital and our ultrasound expert had invited another doctor for a second view. They took a long time over the whole examination but the news remained the same.

Our doctor then sat down with us and told us that she was going to tell us a lot of things and we may get confused but to listen to it all with an open mind. She explained all that was wrong with our baby in a very detailed manner answering all our queries. Later on asking she said the best option would be termination since the baby had very little chance of survival even if carried till full term.

She told us that we would find a lot of opinions and emotions that would confront us but we had to look at all of this very rationally and be very clear that there was nothing we could or should have done to prevent this and that termination was the best option. She comforted us by letting us know that three other couples that very day had been given similar advice that we were not alone and that it was normal for this to happen at ties. She told us that she would fix up an appointment with our gynecologist for the next day.

By the end of the appointment we were totally emotionally drained, and took turns to comfort each other. On the way back my husband had to stop the car twice, as he could not see clearly through his own tears.

The next day my otherwise extremely busy gynecologist gave me an open offer to come and meet her whenever we felt like coming. We felt really comforted by what she said and the manner in which she said it. We were told it was really for the best and we were really lucky as many couples only find out once the child is born and that is even worse. She also told us that should we choose to have the abortion in her hospital she would take my case and would be with us throughout. It was very comforting talking with her.

We were also told that something like this had very little chance of recurrence in the next pregnancy. All this gave us a sense of relief, the greatest being that we had got to know of it at the right time. On coming out to pay at the cashier we found that the doctor had told him not accept money for this appointment. These little gestures added up to give us immense strength in that there were people who cared for us and shared our pain.

What really helped me pull through

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